January 7



patty392008

This is the first entry.  I'm feeling pretty funky.  I have started several "blogs" or journals online and I'm not yet sure which format I'm going to use. 

It's a rainy day here in Phoenix...or, it was.  It's after midnight now.  I was feeling so good until my husband said something alluding to how much he looked forward to going to work tomorrow.  I'm happy that he likes his job.  I really am!  What a blessing!  But I guess I want him to love me more!!  I want to be worshipped, I guess.  I want to be queen!  Really, I do!

 I mean, I look forward to my work...art and such.  Having a studio/office!! Can you imagine? I can't even.  But I know I want one.  I haven't had a nice office to myself...well, ever.  Except when I worked at American Express.  But even then, I had all the Amex equipment in my office.  Oh, but I loved that office.  I loved that house.  I read an article today about how much the Pope loves cats.  That did it.  I finally committed to volunteering for the cat shelter.  As long as they are right down the street, I would like to visit a bunch of cats once in awhile! 

Oh Lord, I am grateful for everything you are doing in my life.  Something about the Pope liking cats and the success I had expressing my feelings at counseling today has just given me hope enough to dare believe that its OK with you that I be happy.  In fact, its not only OK, but you will it. Wow!  Now that I really can't imagine.  Here is an excerpt from my journal from another site:

I'm feeling better tonight.  My counseling went OK.  It was scary.  I took a risk and told my counselor her attitude towards me (today) was hurtful.  It was hard, but it turned out well.  She didn't leave or yell or hit me or tell me to leave.  That was a positive experience and one I'm not used to.

I still have a long way to go to being myself and not being afraid how others will react to it.

 Recovery is hard work!

Add this feed to your online news reader